FLIRT more. FIDGET less.

I’m gonna come right out and say it... there's a good chance you're wearing clothes that are TOO BIG for you. Sounds bold, doesn't it, to assert such a thing, when I don't even know you. But I've been paying attention lately to women and their wardrobes, and it's a phenomenon I'm seeing EVERYWHERE.

And what intrigues me the most, is that most women don't even know their clothes don't fit properly.

Wearing TOO BIG clothing usually means...

1. You’re trying to HIDE your body

2. You’re wearing the WRONG cut/style/silhouette for your body shape

3. You’re unsure HOW clothes are SUPPOSED to fit

4. You’ve stopped caring, because it’s TOO DAMN COMPLICATED

There is a (slight) chance that TOO BIG clothing is an aesthetic that you truly LOVE, and it makes you feel sexy, confident, elusive, and straight-up badass. BUT, this is an exception. NOT the rule. Women tell me all the time that too-big is “their style” and they love it... but it’s bologna. Their body language tells me otherwise.

Do you want to know HOW I KNOW when somebody is fooling themselves into thinking TOO BIG is their style?

They TUG!! They adjust and pull, shift and shimmy, tug and tussle.

(Pay attention to YOUR body language. Do YOU do that???)

All that fidgeting happens so frequently, it takes me about 10 seconds to see what's happening. It's as plain as day, when you know the tell tale signs.

A few weeks ago my husband and I went out to dinner (date night... WOOO!) and we were sitting I-can-hear-your-whole-conversation close to another couple. They were on a first date (you could tell by the conversation), and the woman, who was sitting next to me, was clearly very nervous. She was tall, beautiful, curvy… and completely uncomfortable in her fancy date-night outfit. I could see that she was spending WAY MORE TIME fidgeting with her clothing, than paying attention to her cutie-pie date.

She seemed to enjoy his company (the giggling and blushing told me that), so I don’t think it was a get-me-the-hell-out-of-here-because-you’re-a-total-creep kind of fidget. It was a I’m-ashamed-of-my-body kind of fidget.

I'm practically an expert at spotting this type of fidget. Because it's so damn common.

It took every ounce of strength that I had not to do an intervention. Right there. Right then.

With a few quick tips and a little bit of know-how, she could have ROCKED her date-night outfit and spent MORE TIME FLIRTING, AND LESS TIME FIDGETING.

If I had done a 5-minute intervention, here's what I would have told her:

1. Your shoulder seam should hit you at the curve of your actual shoulder, not above or below. Don't waiver on this (unless your shirt is of the dropped shoulder variety, like this one).

2. Your boobie-buttons should never pull. Ever.

3. In most cases, muffin-top is completely avoidable. Make sure your jeans/pants/shorts are long enough in the rise for YOUR body, AND be sure to wear the right sized pants! TOO-BIG pants will slouch, fall and result in muffin top, and TOO SMALL pants will sqeeze you in too tight and ALSO result in muffin top.

Pants are hard. I get it. They are hard for almost everybody. Buck up, and find pants that fit.

4. STOP TRYING TO HIDE!! It doesn't work. In fact, it can actually ACCENTUATE exactly what you're trying to hide. DON'T DO THAT. I see women tug their shirts way down to hide their hips and rump all the time (see picture below). IT DOESN'T WORK! It actually makes your hips look W-I-D-E-R.

5. Avoid baggy-boob-darts if you can. My breasts are small and low on my body, so I know the Herculean effort it takes to find shirts/jackets/dresses that don't give you puckery-boobie-darts.

6. Sleeves that are too long look frumpy. If you LOVE your wrists (many women do) keep your sleeves short and show off those wrists! (Plus, shorter sleeves make your legs look longer. No joke!)

And p-lease, I don't want to hear any... it's easy for YOU, Stasia. But my body is different.

Do you have any idea how many pairs of jeans I tried on before I found the cut/style/brands that fit my body? Over 100. ONE. HUNDRED.

Do you know how many shirts I've put back on the rack because the boobie-darts were designed for breasts WAY larger than mine. About a million.

THIS is EXACTLY why my wardrobe is so small. Because it's HARD to find stuff that fits MY body. I don't get discouraged or pissed off. I have enough, and I don’t need more in my closet than “enough”.

Start paying attention to how you interact and engage with your clothing. Do you tug and pull? Yank and shimmy? If you do (and I'm guessing you probably do), STOP and ask yourself WHY.

xo Stasia

Does Cellulite Make My Smile Less JOY-FILLED?

Does CELLULITE make my smile any less JOY-FILLED? Sounds like a ridiculous question, doesn't it? I mean, what in heck does cellulite have to do with my smile?? What does cellulite have to do with my capacity to love? What does cellulite have to do with my damn laughter!!

Here's the answer: EVERYTHING... and nothing at all.

Yesterday I posted this picture to Instagram and Facebook with the following caption:

“My daughter took this picture of me tonight. She said i looked beautiful. When I looked at the picture, I saw cellulite. Bah. I bit my tongue and said, “thank you baby” and realized how beautiful the world is through her eyes. My first reaction was to deny her the gift of giving a compliment and say… but look at my thighs!! It takes practice to say thank you without a rebuttal… to accept kindness. Let’s all practice together, shall we. THANK YOU Raisa for seeing my laughter and love and joy-filled heart.”

It was the most liked photograph I've EVER posted to Instagram... and I've posted 358 pictures to Instagram. As of this minute, that photo has reached over 27,500 views on Facebook. If you know anything about organic reach on a FB business page, that number is INSANE, given my relatively small "following".

What that tells me is that I AM NOT ALONE.

It tells me that though the world sees us from the Inside-Out, we see ourselves from the Outside-In.

Others see our beauty and grace and kindness and laughter... despite our perceived "imperfections". They see us play with our kids, love our partners, and be ambassadors of bliss and beauty. They apply that perception to the whole of us. They see beauty.

We see our flaws. Our imperfections. Our saggy boobies, fluffy tummies, cellulite-y thighs and jiggly arms. We take that image and give it value. And then we take that value and we apply it to the whole of us. We see flaws.

I'm sorry gals... but WHAT THE HELL?

It needs to stop, and it needs to STOP NOW!

Easier said than done, right?  I get it.

Anything that's wicked wicked hard takes a shit-ton of practice, and that practice MUST start right this very minute. I'm not messing around, either. RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

The next time you receive a compliment, I want you to smile graciously (even if it's a little bit fake) and say "thank you". NO REBUTTAL. NOTHING. NOT A DAMN WORD.  (Unless of course, it's to gush over whatever it is they are complimenting you on.)

But NO disclaimers. No denying their truth. No excuses. No caveats.

Just sit with it. KNOW that they are seeing you from the Inside-Out.

When somebody compliments your dress, know that it's really NOT ABOUT THE DRESS!! It's about how you carry yourself in that dress. It's your grace and laughter and kindness and love - all wrapped up into one little ball - and the dress is simply the vehicle for that compliment.

Part of me wants to say... "If not for you, do it for your kids.” Because we’ll do ANYTHING for our kids.

But I'm not gonna say that. I'm gonna say this instead:

DO IT FOR YOU!!

OF COURSE we want our kids to see themselves as beautiful. OF COURSE we won’t want our kids to become paralyzed by negative body image/perception. OF COURSE we want our kids to grow up to be healthy, confident and loving beings.  BUT DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF TOO??

Kids are perceptive, and they'll know if you're "doing it for them". They might not see it when they're younger, but as they get older, they'll call your bluff.

I'm not an expert, but I'm practicing. And I'm getting better.

A year ago, I would have NEVER posted that picture. A year ago, I would have resisted the urge to say "but look at my thighs" FOR MY KIDS, but this time, I DID IT FOR ME.

I’ve got a challenge for you. The next time somebody compliments you...

• DO NOT deny the compliment

• Smile and say "thank you"

• Relish in the fact that they truly SEE YOU, from the Inside-Out

xo Stasia

PS. This is the kind of content we cover in Stasia's Style School, because let's face it, SOOO MUCH of knowing and owning YOUR STYLE has NOTHING to do with the clothes!

Stasia's Top 10 Thrifting Tips

I am a thrifter, through and through. In fact, 90% of wardrobe is thrifted, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Not only do I love the hunt, but I love the money savings, AND the environmental and social ethics behind it. I mean, there is SO MUCH STUFF already in circulation, I see no reason to contribute to the waste-cycle of consumerism that’s killing not just our environment, but the people who are making those clothes in substandard factories.

Gals are always lamenting to me that they can’t find anyyyything good at thrift stores, or they don’t realize until they get home that the treasure they THOUGHT they bought is actually a piece of garbage. So, I figured it was high time I share with you my TOP 10 THRIFTING TIPS.

They are tried and true. And I utilize them every.single.time I head into a thrift store.

But before I begin, I want to make sure you know the difference between a Thrift Store and a Consignment Store... because though they both sell second-hand clothing, they are NOT the same.

Thrift Store - a store that sells second hand clothing and household items, typically to raise money for a charitable organization. The Goodwill and the Salvation Army are two well-known examples, but there are thousands of local thrift stores that benefit local non-profits.

You know that Thrift Store song by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis?  "I'm gonna pop some tags, I got $20 in my pocket...". Yea, it's like that.

Click Image to Watch Video. It's awesome. (WARNING: F-BOMBS included)

Consignment Store - a store that sells second hand items (usually clothing and accessories, but sometimes hard-goods too) on behalf of the original owner, who then gets a certain cut, or percentage, of the sale price.

Let's break it down further...

Thrift Store - proceeds (usually) go to charity. It’s less expensive than consignment, but sometimes you gotta sift through lots of junk.

Consignment Store - proceeds go to seller and store owner. It’s more expensive than a thrift store, but also more curated.

Now let's get down to brass tacks.

STASIA'S TOP 10 THRIFTING TIPS

1. Pit Stains & Ring Around the Collar (ewww) - always look for BOTH pit stains AND ring around the collar with lighter colored shirts.  Take the garment over to the window where you can do a good pit/neck band inspection under natural light conditions. If you see yellowing, PUT IT BACK!

2. Zippers - if the garment, shoe or boot has a zipper, TRY IT. Make sure it works. And make sure there isn't any funky fabric that might get stuck in the zipper. Try the zipper with the garment/shoe/boot on your body because sometimes it's all in the angle that you're zipping from.

3. Buttons & Snaps - if it's got buttons or snaps, make sure you account for all of them, and make sure they all work. If you can sew, and a button is missing, see if there is a hide-a-button somewhere that you can use. Also, make sure that all the buttons fit through the button holes. I've found a number of like-new pants at the thrift store with buttons that don't fit through the button holes!

4. Price Tags - these are most often attached to a products seam or brand label via a feather/barb or staple. But sometimes, a careless employee will shoot/staple right through the fabric, leaving a big old ugly hole right in the product itself.

5. Pockets - be sure to put your hands in all the pockets to make sure your fingers don't slide all the way through.

6. Hems - always look for loose hems. Especially with jersey knit shirts. The first hem to go (seems to me) is the hem at the bottom of the shirt. I've bought SOOO many shirts over the years with loose/undone bottom hems that have literally fallen apart in my first post-thrift-store wash. Turn your garments inside out before purchasing to check that all seams and hems are solid.

7. Pills - I hate them. If a sweater or shirt has pills on it, there are two things you need to decide. 1. Do you want to take the time to de-pill the garment? 2. Do you even want a garment that pills (and will need de-pilling) in the first place? Not me!

8. NWT - be leary. Just because something is New With Tags, doesn't mean you've hit the jackpot. There might be a very good reason why somebody donated it in the first place. Like, it was sewn together all wonky and fits crooked. Or, it's got a slice in it from where the purchaser used scissors to open the mail order package, and cut a hole right through it.

9. Dry Clean Only - if going to the cleaners isn't your thing, then check the washing tags. That said, I've bought a gajillion Dry Clean Only sweaters over the years, and I ALWAYS hand-wash them in the sink without any problems. It might be worth the $4 risk! (I wrote a post about how to hand-wash your Dry Clean Only sweaters HERE if you want to check it out.)

10. Brand - it's simple. Higher quality items *tend* to have a greater shelf life than lower quality items. In other words, a pair of cheap jeans will probably fade, stretch, or lose their shape sooner than a pair of higher quality jeans. When I thrift, I stick to the better labels because the product has already lived a life in someone's closet, and I'm trying to get a second life out of it.

This is a pretty good list here, if you don't mind me saying. Because gals, I've bought SO MANY items in the past, thinking I scored BIG TIME, only to find out when I got home that whoops, there was a legit REASON why that thing was donated in the first place!!

I mean, just last week I bought a shirt (below) that I LOVE... and didn't notice that the fabric was pulled in the back right around the arm holes.  Major bummer.  Except, I love the shirt so damn much, I'm gonna wear it anyway!  The color is PERFECT for me (I didn't even need my daily-blush!), but that's a whole 'nother post for another day.  ;)

Spread this list far and wide my friends. Thrifting is FUN, and you can score some real deals. Plus, it's a way to shop shop SHOP sans guilt because it's good for the environment, it supports a local non-profit AND it's wicked cheap!!

xo Stasia

The 4 Things I Learned When I Went Bathing Suit Shopping

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UPDATE 3/2/20 - I wrote this post nearly 5 years ago, and at the time, buying a full-coverage tankini was a HUGE victory for me. I was making progress, but as you’ll see, my body shame RAN DEEP. I have decided to INTENTIONALLY KEEP that body shaming language in this post because I think it serves as a historical record of MY OWN GROWTH. I wasn’t born loving my body. I’ve had to work like hell for it. And this… this serves as a reminder that if you DECIDE to stop believing the bullshit lies that tell you your body is not a good body, over the course of 5 years, YOU CAN ACTUALLY CHANGE HOW YOU THINK ABOUT YOUR BODY. Because HERE, HERE and HERE are some posts I wrote more recently that speak to WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, and wow, what a difference!

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Let me start by saying this... the VERY last time I went bathing suit shopping was in November 2005. It's been almost 10 years. I remember that shopping trip well. My husband and I had just finished our Peace Corps service in Moldova, and we had taken a 3-week post-service vacation to Thailand on our way back to the States. We explored the wats in Bangkok, trekked through the jungle in Chiang Mai, and then headed south to Phuket and the island of Ko Phi Phi Don for a week of snorkeling and sunbathing.

I didn't have a bathing suit when we arrived in Phuket, and I knew I needed one, so I went shopping. I remember walking into a bathing suit store, feeling a little apprehensive as one does when shopping in a foreign country where you don't speak the language. Almost immediately a Thai woman approached me and said, "We no have something for you. You too fat."

She didn't just SAY I was too fat once, she said it OVER and OVER and OVER again, AND then she pointed at my butt and used expressive hand motions to emphasize the point.

"TOO FAT."

I left the store in tears.

In retrospect, I know things were a wee bit "lost in translation" and I don't hold any grudges. But I do remember the shame.

Me and my fat American ass (I'm kidding!) did eventually find a bathing suit, but it was THE LAST TIME I went bathing suit shopping, until just a couple of days ago.

And just for reference, this is the suit I ended up buying, and this is what my body looked like at the time…

I'm not saying I haven't worn a bathing suit since then... sure I've patched tops and bottoms together over the years, but never in a way that made me feel good. They were hand-me-downs or thrifted good-enough tops and bottoms.

This year I said NO WAY. Because I will NOT spend another summer at the beach with my kids, pretending that "it's not really hot enough for mama to swim", just so I can stay safe tucked in my beach chair where nobody can see me in my suit.

NO MORE!

So I went for it... I went bathing suit shopping. And here's what I learned.

1. I didn't go BATHING SUIT SHOPPING. I went on a FREEDOM EXPEDITION.

Yes, I reframed the experience so it made more sense.

Let me ask you this... How much money would you PAY a fairy godmother to give you the freedom to run, play and swim with your kids at the beach for an entire summer without all the self-conscious body-image-baggage we so often carry with us?

Me, I'd pay AT LEAST $5000 for an entire summer's worth of THAT kind of freedom and fun with my kids!

This reframe benefited me BIG TIME in two ways:

1. I knew that no bathing suit I'd ever look at would cost $500, so no matter what I spent, I knew I'd be getting one hell of deal. Spending REAL MONEY ON SOMETHING NEW became a non-issue for this thrifter, because I was buying something far more precious than simply a swimsuit. I was buying FREEDOM from body shame.

2. Because I was gearing up for a FREEDOM EXPEDITION, I prepped and planned like any good expeditioner would.

2. Prepping for my FREEDOM EXPEDITION was KEY to my success.

I didn't just hop in the car and go shopping willy-nilly. I planned. Because I knew that walking into the store FEELING GOOD and with the right attitude would be the key to my success.

So here's what I did before I left:

• I gave myself a hot pink mani/pedi.

• I waxed my legs, bikini line and pits using THIS DIY sugar wax recipe.

• I put on a dress that made me feel strong and athletic.

• I OF COURSE wore red lipstick and an extra swoosh of blush to give myself some extra color, knowing I'd be under those awful florescent color-sucking lights.

• I wore the shoes I'd likely wear with my bathing suit (chaco sandals), so I'd have on the full beach outfit.

• I decorated adorned and embellished what I LOVE about my body because let's face it, you can't hide much in a bathing suit! Translation - I wore earrings, a couple of necklaces and a scarf because when I looked in the mirror, I wanted to recognize my beauty, and not be swept away by my “perceived imperfections”.

• I made sure I ate just enough food to be satiated (and not hangry) but not over-stuffed.

3. Pre-selecting my FREEDOM EXPEDITION DESTINATION increased my chances of finding THE PERFECT SUIT!

Before I left on my FREEDOM EXPEDITION, I shopped online, and figured out which stores I wanted to visit. I know my body, so I had a good idea as to what styles would and wouldn't work on my figure, so I looked for stores that sold suits that I thought would fit to flatter. I also knew I wanted something that made me feel strong, capable, confident, and playful, so that also influenced WHERE I looked.

(For example, most of the suits at J.Crew were too itty bitty, sleek and sexy for me, but the suits at Athleta had more coverage and a sporty look. In the end, I narrowed down my search to Athleta and Patagonia.)

4. Lipstick will only get you so far... A GOOD ATTITUDE IS KEY!

When I walked into the Athleta store, the ENTIRE STAFF was wearing spandex. Every single gal was in her early 20's and had buns of steel. I got a little bit freaked out when I walked in the door, but quickly gave myself a little pep talk and started filling me arms with suits.

When I hit the fitting room, I told the staff girls that I was on a FREEDOM EXPEDITION, and that I needed their help. No fake "that looks good on you" comments allowed. Humor absolutely necessary.

Some of the suits I tried looked terrible, and made both me and the staff girls a little cross-eyed. Some I couldn't figure out how to get into (and needed to ask for help). Sometimes an Extra-Small was too big and a Medium was too small.

I tried on so many suits I starting to get a kink in my neck!

But I did it. I found the PERFECT SUIT! 

No, it doesn't make my body look like it did when I was 22. No, I don't look all sleek and sexy... but that wasn't my goal. I wasn't looking for a magic eraser pencil. (And though the temptation is here to use my little editing tool to smooth out my thighs, I didn't.)

Here's why I selected THIS SUIT:

1. The black bottoms were just long enough to cover my hips (my pain point), and we all know that black slenderizes so it was my top choice for color!

2. The "busy" top draws the eyes UP because it is more visually interesting than the bottom. And gals, I want the eyes UP!!!

3. The horizontal stripes on the top trick the eye into thinking my upper body is wider than it is, which is GREAT because it balances out my hips.

4. All the detail on the back of the suit ONCE AGAIN naturally brings the eyes UP, and away from my butt and thighs.

All in all, the suit cost me just over $100. That's a lot of money for me - the girl who thrifts EVERYTHING - but again, the price tag didn't matter because the suit was simply my vehicle to FREEDOM + FUN WITH MY KIDS.

In the last few days, I've talked to quite a few women about my expedition, and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM said to me, I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I WENT BATHING SUIT SHOPPING!!

Listen gals, it' doesn't need to be scary. I actually had FUN!! I even treated myself to Ben & Jerry's after my expedition! You just need the right tools in your tool box.

If you don't feel like you've got the tools in your toolbox to KNOW what silhouettes work on your body type, then girl, you've got to join Stasia's Style School!! By the end of the course you'll have the skills, courage and confidence to embark on your own FREEDOM EXPEDITION, and come home victorious!

xo Stasia

What's more important? Comfort or Style?

When you get dressed in the morning, do you opt for COMFORT over STYLE? Do you feel like it's a one-or-the-other, take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum? If you do, you're not alone. Because this is the ONE THING I hear over and over again from women young and old!  "But I like to be comfortable, Stasia!" has become the anthem of a Brothers Grimm-like story, where style becomes the petty, shallow, yellow-eyed wild thing, and comfort the noble warrior with sense and sensibility.

But if you ask me, the idea of having to sacrifice style for comfort is hogwash. Total hogwash.

And I think you'd agree, too, if we used a healthier more holistic interpretation of the word "style".

In my mind, style does NOT mean fancy or trendy or fashionable.

When I think about MY style or YOUR style, I think about it as a reflection of ME or YOU.

So when I get dressed in ANYTHING, from my pjs to my little black dress, from comfortable to chic, I can choose clothing that is a reflection of me - aka: MY STYLE.

Something that is MY STYLE makes me feel good. Not plain-faced "good" - but wild-eyed "good". The kind of "good" that makes you run faster and jump higher.

I can feel that kind of good in fancy dresses, or jeans and a tank top. As long as they are a reflection of ME on the inside, then I feel "stylish".

This is where YOUR work comes in. You've got to KNOW what makes you feel good, and you MUST stop using "comfort" as your "good" gauge.

Let me give you an example:

Me: How do you feel in those jeans? Gal: Good. They are super comfortable. Me: Yes, but how do you FEEL? Gal: I feel comfortable. Me: No, that's not what I mean. How do you FEEEEEEEEEEL... On the inside? Gal: I don't know, fine I guess. They are so broken in and soft. Me: Do you feel Beautiful? Powerful? Strong? Confident? Fun? Dynamic? Creative? Abundant? Courgageous???? Gal: Oh God no. I just feel comfortable... I know they are not flattering and they are all stretched out, but they are so soft!! They give me muffin top a little bit so I feel kind of fat in them, and they make my butt look HUGE, but other than that... (pause) Wait a second - these look terrible. I feel terrible in them. I guess because I've had them for so long, I thought they were comfortable.  I mean they ARE comfortable, but I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE IN THEM AT ALL. I feel self conscious and fat and like I have a big butt. THAT'S not good. Me: TAKE THEM OFF AND NEVER PUT THEM BACK ON YOUR BODY AGAIN!!

Sometimes it takes work to break the habit of being "comfortable" as a gauge for feeling good. I see it all the time! (I can't tell you how many time a woman's FAVORITE pair of jeans have ended up in the get-rid-of-it pile during a closet consultation because they were using "comfortable" as the only/exclusive parameter for "favorite"!!)

But it doesn't need to be that way.

Take yesterday... I wanted to be comfortable, because I knew I had a busy day ahead of me. So I wore jeans, a tank top, a knit cardigan and a pair of sneakers.

But not just any jeans, tank, cardi and sneaker combo. I wore the "Stasia's Style" variety...

I chose jeans that fit me perfectly. My tank had a sparkly band of sequins around the neckline, the cardi was unique in texture and style, and the sneakers were hip and fun. I added on a bold necklace, a nice pair of earrings and some red lipstick, and voila - TOTALLY COMFORTABLE and completely stylish... because I FELT GOOD. And by good I mean creative, fun, courageous, bold and youthful.

I felt good hanging my laundry on the clothes line. I felt good hauling brush, pruning trees, and starting a bonfire in the yard with my kids after school. I felt good talking to the women's chorus about the importance of discovering your own personal style, and presenting your YOU-NESS on the outside, even as Vermonters!

Once you know YOUR STYLE, you should never have to swap out style for anything. You can be stylish in your garden, at a party, on a mountain top, at a campground, playing on the floor with your kids, at work... ANYWHERE!

If somebody were to ask you... What's YOUR style? Your answer should be... A reflection of ME.

Once you understand this concept, you'll never use comfort as an "excuse" to be frumpy or schleppy again. There's no need for it.

You can choose to be warm and stylish. You can choose to be comfortable and stylish. You can choose to be active and stylish. You can choose to play with your kids and BE STYLISH. Because STYLE is something that makes you feel good, and is a reflection of YOU.

If you are ready to abandon the concept that comfort and style are two mutually exclusive entities, then now's the time to think about joining Stasia's Style School, because we'll DIVE DEEP into discovering YOUR personal style, so you never have to chose comfort over style EVER AGAIN!!

xo Stasia

Top 5 Reasons I LOVE being #styledbymychild

Two weeks ago I did the unthinkable! I let my 8 year old daughter choose my ENTIRE outfit without a peep of input from me. No moaning. No groaning. No suggesting this over that. And the results were fantastic! Exhibit 1:

In fact, we had so much fun together (and I LOVED the outfit) we decided to do it the following week!

Exhibit 2:

And this time, we decided to make it a THING! By that I mean, we've turned it into a weekly series on Facebook and Instagram, where every Monday I'll post a pic of the outfit Raisa selected for me, and we'll use the hashtag #styledbymychild.

TOP 5 REASONS I love being #styledbymychild

1.  Quality Time with My Kid - in the hurry and flurry of life, it's incredibly important for me to set aside non-negotiable mama/child time with Raisa. We both look forward to this time together each week, and it's become something we talk about and look forward to all week long. Memories in the making, people!

2. Kid Confidence - Raisa feels so much pride when I say, "Hey babe, I want YOU to choose my outfit tomorrow, because I trust you'll choose something FABULOUS for me!"  She takes her task VERY seriously!

3. Conversation Starter - I always receive a few sideways glances and friendly smiles when I’m out walking around town with my kid-designed outfit. It’s such a GREAT opportunity to engage in fun, joy-filled conversations with absolute strangers! 

4. Feeling Wildly Courageous - wearing a kid-designed outfit takes guts. It takes WILD, FREE, WHOLE-HEARTED COURAGE. Being courageous takes practice, and this is a great opportunity for me to practice being wildly courageous!

5. Closet Curation - nothing has made me curate my closet faster than having my kid pick out my outfit! When Raisa pulls out those jeans I hate because they’re too damn small, or those orange tights I bought but can’t stand the sight of them… well, it reminds you to GET RID OF THE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE, ONCE AND FOR ALL.

So there you have it! We’ve only done it a few times so far, but I can already this is gonna become a thing. We LOVE it so much! And I have a feeling that this one little exercise is going to change my life, because you can’t flex your BRAVE MUSCLE this much, and not have it change you!

xo Stasia

A Peek Inside My Closet

I LOVE my closet. It's not big. You certainly can't walk into it. It needs a major paint job. I don't use velvet hangers, let alone cherry wood fancy-pants hangers. And only five (yes, 5) things in my closet were purchased brand new (1 - a denim jacket I bought in Slovenia back in 2004, 2 - my favorite Miz Mooz tall brown boots, 3 - my red Dansko clogs which I've had since 2005 and were a gift from my mother, 4 - my Doc Martin boots, that I bought new over 20 years ago, and lastly, 5 - my Hobo wallet, which my husband gave me as a "pushing" gift after I delivered my almost 11-pound son).

People often assume that because I work as a Personal Stylist, my wardrobe and my closet must be HUGE.

Here's my truth:

I use (mostly) plastic hangers that I've picked up either at the dump or at the thrift store (though I do intend to upgrade to velvet hangers someday.) But for now, as long as my hangers are facing in the same direction, my closet isn't over-stuffed, and my clothes are generally categorized (jackets, dresses, shirts - white, gray, black, blues, peach/pink/red) I'm happy.

UPDATE 3/2/20 - I have updated to velvet hangers, and I LOVE THEM!

(And yes, I share the closet with my husband, half and half. His side has all the pinks and purples and baby blues!)

We each have a bureau as well, his and hers:

If I have to struggle even a teensy bit to get a drawer closed due to over-stuffing, something goes. We don't have clothing tucked into other places and spaces... this is it. And if it doesn't fit, we don't keep it.

HIS: Drawers 1 & 2 - undies Drawer 3 - socks Drawers 4 & 5 - t-shirts and long underwear Drawer 6 - pants/jeans

HERS: Drawer 1 - knits and long underwear Drawer 2 - socks and pants/jeans/cords Drawer 3 - sweaters/cardigans, skirts, pj's/hoodies

You can see that I keep my necklaces and bracelets out on display for me to see.  It's a great way to remember to wear them!

I also have my scarves on display... because who wears scarves if they are bunched up in a bin or stuffed in a drawer??  [BRAG - I DIY'ed this scarf display from the side rails of a vintage crib!! My OWN design!!]

And yep, my earrings are also decoratively displayed:

Here's the bottom line ladies: having a walk in closet, $20 hangers, and a wardrobe full of expensive, tags-still-on, brand new clothes doesn't [necessarily] equal a pride-worthy closet.

Having a closet that you love requires something FAR more important:

CURATION!!

In other words, you've got to like... LOVE, what you own. And it MUST be a reflection of who you are on the inside. You've got to get rid of the excess!

It can't be a space you use to fill a void, or a place that's so filled with sadness, longing and guilt that it makes your body ache.

As one of my clients said…

"I'm no longer filling my closet with expensive things to make me feel better. I am the one responsible for my well being, and no fancy pair of boots will bring me the self worth or self confidence I have been searching for. It has to come from inside of me, and making the outside reflect the me I want to be, or already am but just don't realize, is the best gift I could give myself."  

YES YES YES!!

When I open the doors to my closet I feel ABUNDANCE. I don't have a lot, but I like (LOVE!) every single thing that I have, because it's a reflection of who I am on the inside.

My wish for you is that you too are swept with a wave of abundance and resonance every single time you open your closet doors. Because you deserve it.

To YOUR ABUNDANCE!

xo Stasia

TOP 5 REASONS we Keep Stuff in our Closet that we Don't LIKE WANT OR NEED

Today we're going back to basics and talking about the act of LETTING GO! Because if I've heard it once, I've heard it 1000 times...  "I have a closet full of clothes but absolutely NOTHING to wear!"

This sentiment leaves one feeling superficial, shallow and trite.  "How in the world could I have so much stuff in my closet, yet at the same time, feel like I have absolutely nothing to wear." Sometimes, we grown ups even cry and throw grown-up temper-tantrums because we can't find anything to wear.  (Been there.  Done that.)

Lucky for you, I know why you've got a closet full of clothes but nothing to wear. And because I was a science major in college, I'm going to break it down for you real scientifically, using advanced statistical analysis.

The problem you face is due to what's called The Pareto Principle, or the 80-20 Rule. Basically, it means that 80% of the output is determined by 20% of the input.

• 80% of the meals you cook come from 20% of your recipes

• 80% of your emails come from 20% of your contacts

• 80% of the comments on my blog come from 20% of my readers

• 80% of the outfits you wear come from 20% of your wardrobe

Did you catch that?  80% of what you wear comes from only 20% of your wardrobe.  That means 80% of your wardrobe is just sitting there, taking up space, not getting worn, and leaving you feeling every which way to GUILTY you can imagine.

It means that you don't even like (or know how to wear) 80% of what you own!

And that's crazy-town. But here's the thing... since I've spent a good deal of time in women's closets, I've learned that we have some pretty damn good reasons (ummm... read, excuses) we hold on to stuff we don't need, like or want. And after lots of consideration, I've come up with the TOP 5 REASONS we Keep Stuff we Don't NEED LIKE OR WANT.

1. But-I'm-Saving-It-For-When-I-Lose-Weight

There is no sure-fire way to get yourself into a bad mood than to stand in front of a closet filled with clothes that are TOO SMALL.All kinds of feelings will come up for you, and I can guarantee this - not one of them will be feelings of creativity, confidence, empowerment and beauty.

Do me a favor, and take all of your too-small clothes out of your closet.NOW!

So you had a smokin' hot body before babies, huh? I believe you. I know it's hard to let go of that memory of yourself. But here's the thing... YOU ARE STILL BEAUTIFUL. AS YOU ARE. RIGHT THIS VERY MOMENT.

You don't have to ditch those too-small clothes if you honestly think you might fit into them again (be real with yourself here), but please take them out of the closet and stick them in a bin in your attic.

2. But-I-Paid-A-Lot-For-It

I feel you, but if you don't like whatever it is you paid a lot for, get it the hell out of your closet. It's really that simple. If you want to recoup some of the money you spent, then bring it to a consignment shop or sell it on eBay.

Or, simply let go of it.  Letting go brings its own tidal wave of abundance and riches.

3. But-It-Was-A-Gift

It's simple. There is no room in your closet for stuff you don't like. And let's face it... the only reason you're holding on to it is because you're afraid the gifter might ask you where it is.

NEWSFLASH:  Gift-giving is SUPPOSED to be a selfless act. I know many people don't practice selfless gift giving, but that certainly doesn't mean you have to carry the brunt of someone's inability to give selflessly.

If you can't bare selling or donating it, then think of something special you can do with it.  Can you up-cycle it into something fab? Can you re-gift it to your BFF that raves about it every time she looks into your closet?  Is there a family in need in your community that would love and value and appreciate it?

If you do something noble with that undesirable gift, then giving an explanation as to where it ended up won't hurt so badly.

4. But-I-Might-Need-It-Someday

Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. But you should be able to count on ONE HAND all of your "someday" pieces. Any more than that is just clutter.

5. But-I-Used-To-Love-It

One word.EXPIRED. It's okay to love something, then not love it any more. Things change. Bodies change. Jobs change. Life changes!A lot of women hold on to clothes from previous careers, because they don't want to let go of that past life. You know… that job where you made lots of money and felt really important.Holding onto your past will not give you validation of your worth today. Just like keeping clothes from your "skinny days" won't make you skinny and sexy and more worthy of love today.

Holding on to WHO YOU WERE will only distract you from fully embracing WHO YOU ARE today. 

If you go through your closet and eliminate everything that falls into the 5 categories above, you will DRAMATICALLY shift the 80-20 rule in your favor.

Don't get into thinking it needs to be an 8-hour monstrous closet clean out event either.

Today, do your socks drawer. Tomorrow, your t-shirt drawer. The day after that, your skirts.And then the next day, your dresses.Until you've gone through EVERY LAST THING you own.

You know that little voice inside your head that's saying you have far more important things to do with your time... recognize it, and then start cleaning out your closet with vigor. And that voice that's telling you to shut up and be happy with what you have... notice it, and then get shit done anyway. There is a demented, selfish, self-deprecating part of all of us that likes us to remain defeated, small, powerless and unworthy by pretending its got our best interest in mind... and it's hogwash. TOTAL HOGWASH.

Once you've gone through everything and have let go of all that clutter, you may or may not have a lot left in your closet. I know after my first major closet clean-out, I had 2 pairs of jeans, a handful of shirts, and a couple of sweaters left... and that was about it. But, GUILT was no longer filling my space. Opportunity was!

So go on, LET GO OF GUILT and create space in your closet for OPPORTUNITY.

xo Stasia

WORDS over RESOLUTIONS

I’ve tried New Year’s resolutions in the past, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never ever completed or succeeded at a single one. Not that I have a fear of commitment… I just can’t maintain the va-va-va-voom required to stick with something that quite frankly is something I’m a wee bit resistant to in the first place, otherwise I’d just do it, and not call it a resolution!  Usually resolutions are “I shoulds”, not “I want from the deepest depths of my soul” and I’m not much good at doing something I really don’t want to do.

So last year I did something different. I said to hell with resolutions, and decided to commit an ENTIRE YEAR to ONE SINGLE WORD. I spent some time prior to the start of 2014, distilling down my number one internal negative-self-talk garbage, and then I set out to view my life’s experiences through that one-word word.

Last year, my word was “VALUE”. I’ve long had this warped correlation in my mind between personal worth and financial worth.  To put it simply... the amount of money you have determines your value as a human. Though I know in my mind that this correlation is totally nuts and doesn’t make any sense, it’s something I’ve struggled with.

It holds me back and makes me play small.

Try starting a biz and charging money for your services when you don’t believe you’re worth it… or even worse, you don’t believe you deserve it.

It. Sucks.

I know I’m good at what I do. I receive the best testimonials, like this one…

I always felt like Stasia had my back and wanted what was best for me. Plus, she’s seriously funny. AND she knows her stuff! I had NO idea getting dressed had so many puzzle pieces… I thought there was something wrong with me!!  But Stasia showed me it just takes a little know how and suddenly you look and feel pulled together and confident. I also didn’t realize how much of myself was being lost by not matching my outside to my inside. That inside-out congruency is NO JOKE! I look WAY more pulled together and I’m using stuff from my own closet! I haven’t spent much money, yet I FEEL like a million bucks!?  Tami H.

And the pictures!! My clients send me THE BEST most brilliant smiling-from-ear-to-ear pictures of themselves, wearing outfits that suit their soul so perfectly it makes my heart sing and my cheeks red hot with pride and joy.

It’s funny how the universe works.

When I set my word, I thought I was setting myself up to be the recipient of all sorts of VALUE. I was thinking that cash would swarm me like a sky full of cicadas.

Ironically, 2014 was the craziest most bas-akward year for me financially. EVERYTHING went wrong. Roof. Cars. Lawnmower. Dishwasher. Snowblower. You name it. It broke.

Or… maybe it wasn’t ironic at all.  Maybe I just needed a money lesson so big that it would really and truly shake the wonky foundation of my money/value belief system.  Apparently I’m not a quick study, so it took something HUGE for me to WAKE UP and smell the damn coffee. And that’s exactly what happened.

I spent the ENTIRE year looking at all of my “bad money luck” experiences through my VALUE lens. Not as easy as it sounds… because first I would scream, then cry, then laugh out of exasperation, then perseverate on my bad luck… THEN I would settle down and look at what was happening through the VALUE lens.

And here is was I learned:

• when you pay for a service, you are not only paying for someone’s skill, but you are paying for their honesty and integrity, and the goodness in their heart.

• once you get on a we-have-bad-luck-negative-nelly-train-to-hell, your prophecy will be fulfilled, over and over again.

• I held myself back tremendously.

• despite my “bad luck” and plummeting bank account, kindness and generosity poured into my life… so much so, that my eyes would wiggle inside my head because I couldn’t believe all of the human goodness I was experiencing.

Broke. But valued.  WHOA.

I finally got it. But only because I was paying attention.

So this year, I’ve got a new word. BRAVE.

In the past several weeks, I’ve come to realize that I have two brands of brave.

I-KNOW-I-CAN-BUT-PRETEND-I-CAN’T BRAVE Sometimes I KNOW I can do something, but for some reason, I shroud it with negative, “I can’t do that / no-way jose” self-talk, even though I know deep inside that it’ll be okay. It’s like I’m afraid of my own bravert, so I hide it behind negativity and pessimism. Good God.  Why in hell do I do that?  I need to stop it.

I’M-TOO-DAMN-SCARED-AND-I-WON’T BRAVE But then there are times when I am afraid of doing something because I’m afraid I might fail and/or somebody might laugh at me and/or people will judge me. So I don’t do it at all, and I come up with every excuse in the book to NOT do it.

I want to look at my life’s experiences in 2015 through the lens of BRAVE, and see what comes up. I want to recognize my patterns and bad habits and practice new ways of thinking about things. When I feel like a chicken, I want to let out a big slobbering can’t-breathe gasp, then do it anyway. And if I can’t do it in the moment, I want to understand why.

It’s a year long cumulative task in being a good brave courageous human.  And I’m ready!

We all have shiz we can work on… and I’m choosing to work on something that I know is holding me back. Except, it’s almost like it’s not work, because my brain is thinking all the time anyway. I’m just giving it a filter to think through.

I want to encourage you to choose ONE WORD that will act as your life experience filter.  A lens you can look through as you journey through 2015.  What’s holding you back?  What are you afraid of?  How are you sabotaging yourself?  What are you lacking?  CHOOSE THAT.

With Love… and BRAVERY, Stasia

Do these pants make my butt look BIG?

You know just as well as I do that this is a weighted question, and the thought of having to answer this question puts people into an anxiety induced temporary state of shock… their heart rate increases, their brow begins to sweat, they experience rapid and shallow breathing, nausea and lightheadedness. They may even become weak at the knees and need to sit down. (Alright maybe that's a little melodramatic but you get the point!)

Why? Because no simple YES or NO answer will do.

If one answers YES to this question, it can drop us to our knees with feelings of irreparable inadequacy and a huge plummet in self esteem.

If one answers NO, we immediately don’t trust our informant and assume they are only saying NO to protect us from the feelings of irreparable inadequacy that I mentioned above.

This is why what I’m about to share is going to ROCK YOUR WORLD!

My husband came up with a fool-proof, completely objective, blame-it-on-the-pants-not-your-butt method of answering this question, and it’s a marriage saver!

We use a rating system.

My husband knows full-well what my derriere looks like, so the system is based on what is already known to be true - the actual size of my tush.

The PANTS (or jeans, skirt, dress) can either…

1.  Make my butt look smaller than it actually is.
2. Make my butt look its actual size.
3. Make my butt look bigger than it actually is.

Do you see what’s happening here… all judgement is placed on the PANTS, and NOT on my butt!!

There are all kinds of contributors that affect what your butt looks like in a pair of pants. Things like… pocket size, pocket placement, rise, color, embellishments, inseam length, fading, etc. change the visual perspective, big time. So it makes sense to take the onus off your booty, and place it where it belongs, ON THE PANTS.

Here’s how the rating system is put into practice:

Rating of 1 (butt looks smaller than it is) - These 3 pairs of pants fit into the “butt looks smaller” category, and not gonna lie, that does NOT hurt my feelings.

Rating of 2 (butt looks it’s actual size) - If they fell good and I love everything about them, then I’m sold, because I’m okay with m'tush looking like m'tush because it is, after all, m'tush.

Rating of 3 (butt looks bigger than it is) - sorry, no pictures to show you, because I don’t buy pants that make my butt look bigger than my butt. My measurements are 30 - 30 - 40 so my butt is already stealing the show!

Do you see how brilliant this is?? There is no YES or NO required with 10,000 strings attached. There is simply a scale, based on factual, known, true, non-subjective data.

If you don’t believe in the success of this rating system, just listen to what my husband has to say:

“Honesty, integrity and dealing with conflict are some of my strengths. But answering “Yes, those jeans make your butt look big,” regardless of how honest this was, always seemed to bring unnecessary conflict. So in an effort to creatively resolve this conflict I’ve designed and patented (United States Patent #147329) this classic rating-system-response that works effortlessly. Stasia no longer dreads the response but actually solicits it as valuable information to help make purchases, decide what to wear to a party, etc. I encourage you to share this with your significant other. You’ll both be forever grateful!”

So go on, propose this new rating system to that special person in your life if you'd like an honest-to-goodness answer to the question, "Do these pants make my butt look big?".

xo Stasia