You know just as well as I do that this is a weighted question, and the thought of having to answer this question puts people into an anxiety induced temporary state of shock… their heart rate increases, their brow begins to sweat, they experience rapid and shallow breathing, nausea and lightheadedness. They may even become weak at the knees and need to sit down. (Alright maybe that's a little melodramatic but you get the point!)
Why? Because no simple YES or NO answer will do.
If one answers YES to this question, it can drop us to our knees with feelings of irreparable inadequacy and a huge plummet in self esteem.
If one answers NO, we immediately don’t trust our informant and assume they are only saying NO to protect us from the feelings of irreparable inadequacy that I mentioned above.
This is why what I’m about to share is going to ROCK YOUR WORLD!
My husband came up with a fool-proof, completely objective, blame-it-on-the-pants-not-your-butt method of answering this question, and it’s a marriage saver! :)
We use a rating system.
My husband knows full-well what my derriere looks like, so the system is based on what is already known to be true - the actual size of my tush.
The PANTS (or jeans, skirt, dress) can either…
1. Make my butt look smaller than it actually is. 2. Make my butt look its actual size. 3. Make my butt look bigger than it actually is.
Do you see what’s happening here… all judgement is placed on the PANTS, and NOT on my butt!! We’re leaving my butt alone, because it’s just fine the way it is thankyouverymuch.
Here’s how the rating system is put into practice:
Rating of 1 (butt looks smaller than it is) - I run to the register and pop some tags without hesitation. Like these 3 pairs of pants:
Rating of 2 (butt looks it’s actual size) - If they are comfortable and I love everything about them, then I’m sold, because I’m okay with m'tush looking like m'tush because it is, after all, m'tush.
Rating of 3 (butt looks bigger than it is) - whatever it is goes right back where it came from, because something is clearly WRONG with those pants.
(You didn't actually think I'd post a picture of my butt looking bigger than it is, did you???)
Do you see how brilliant this is?? There is no YES or NO required with 10,000 strings attached. There is simply a scale, based on factual, known, true, non-subjective data.
I’m not some skinny girl with a perfectly round, smooth, backside either… I’ve got a water drop shape, and carry much of my weight in my rump. I accept my toosh just the way it is, but am not interested in making it look BIGGER than it actually is.
If you don’t believe in the success of this rating system, just listen to what my husband has to say:
Honesty, integrity and dealing with conflict are some of my strengths. But answering “Yes, those jeans make your butt look big,” regardless of how honest this was, always seemed to bring unnecessary conflict. So in an effort to creatively resolve this conflict I’ve designed and patented (United States Patent #147329) this classic rating-system-response that works effortlessly. Stasia no longer dreads the response but actually solicits it as valuable information to help make purchases, decide what to wear to a party, etc. Ladies, I encourage you to share this with your significant other. You’ll both be forever grateful!
So go on, propose this new rating system to that special person in your life if you'd like an honest-to-goodness answer to the question, "Do these pants make my butt look big?".
Now go on. Wear your most comfortable #1 or #2 pants to Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow, and know that no matter how much you eat, your butt looks good.
PS. As always, share your thoughts in the comments below because I LOVE to hear from you.