Pics, Stories + EMOTIONS from my TEDx talk

It's been almost two weeks since I was on the TEDx stage, and yowza, what a whirlwind of emotion it's been since then.

So many of you have reached out via email, social media, and text, asking how I'm doing now that my talk is over... so I figured it best to connect with you here, where I can express in both words and pictures, what a full experience this has been for me.

Being on the TEDx stage was undoubtedly the biggest most bravest thing I've ever done.  (Well, except for naturally birthing ZZ, my 11-pounder.  That was big and brave too!)  

I've always called myself a "wingiter".  You know... a person who likes to "wing it".  So to spend months preparing -- condensing a lifetime of stories into a wee 16 minute talk, then memorizing that talk, THEN practicing that talk in front of dozens of people on my deck was... phew, WICKED HARD!  

Not to mention getting on a stage (a stage!!) in front of 650 people!  

I had a lot to learn, to let go of, to step into, to become.  

And now that my talk is behind me... I'd like to share with you what it was like, before, during, and after my time on the stage.  

BEFORE

I'll start with the practice sessions. On the Friday before my talk, I invited folks over to my home to sit on my deck so that I could practice my talk in front of real-life people. I could get through my talk ok in the quietude of the shower... but in front of people?  The thought made me want to crawl into fetal position and hide!  So I knew I had to practice in front of people.  

That Friday night, I did my talk twice, and I couldn't get through it either time without pausing, losing my brain, forgetting where I was, getting stuck.  I held back, afraid of being too expressive.  Too loud.  Too much.  My friends Julianne and Amanda said to me, "Stasia, STOP HOLDING BACK!"  I tried.  I couldn't.  

The next morning, my friend Amanda invited me to her house to do my talk in front of a dozen of her friends/family.  I did it, but again, not without mixing up my words, losing my place, getting lost.  

One of the gals at the morning gathering invited me to a birthday party that evening, of a gal I didn't know, to practice my talk again.  Another willing audience of strangers!  Yes please!  Off I went, and once again, I couldn't get through my talk without messing up.  

Then on Tuesday, three days before I was about to get on the TEDx stage, I had MORE folks come to my house to act as my practice audience.  My first run through was a mess.  My second run-through... I couldn't get past the first paragraph.  It took everything I had inside of me to not freak out. Panic. My talk was in three days, and I STILL couldn't get through it without seriously messing up.  And then, one very special friend said to me... "Stasia, you have to go to that place inside of you that you talk about IN YOUR TALK... that place where you've never been wounded, where there's still a sureness in you, where there's a seamlessness in you, and where there's a confidence and tranquility in you.  GO THERE!"  Whoa.  She took my own words (well, that quote is from John O'Dononue, but still) and reflected them back onto me.  So I took a deep breath, went to that place where I had never been wounded (or messed up, or failed, or made an ass of myself) and I NAILED IT. No hesitation. No brain-dropping. No paralysis. I DID IT!  I knew that talk inside and out... it was my brain - my doubt - my fear - MY VULNERABILITY - that was holding me back and robbing me of what I knew.  Once I harnessed it, I knew I was unstoppable. 

DURING

On the day of my talk, I was excited, thrilled, nervous... and totally ready.  There was no fear. 

I walked out on that stage in my $6 thrift store dress and my favorite cowboy boots, and giggled when I saw my name on the big screen!  

I don't remember much of what happened during the talk, but I do remember seeing my husband and daughter, right there in the front row, eyes filled to the brim with tears, smiling so big I think I could see their back teeth!  I also remember seeing my SSS Style Sisters sitting in the audience, eyes bright, faces glowing, emitting so much love and you-got-this, I could feel it on stage.  

There was a time during my talk (which was about my journey with style, and how my daughter Raisa taught me the lessons of Inside Out Congruency) when I pointed right at Raisa, sitting in the front row wearing her button down shirt and a bowtie, as I said this...

"Now imagine her again, but this time, standing tall and proud in her body, eyes forward, shoulders back, wearing a button-down shirt and bowtie, completely SURE of who she is.  And now imagine some kid coming up to her, teasing her because she’s wearing hearings aids, or because she has a 4-fingered hand, or because she’s wearing “boy clothes”.  How’s she going to react?  I’ll tell you how she reacts, because I’ve seen it happen time and time again on the playground.  She hears their criticism of her body or her style… and do you know what she does??  She shrugs her shoulders, 15 rolls her eyes, snickers, and walks away.  If I’m within earshot, she knows mama’s gonna be sitting on the sidelines with smoke coming out of my ears.  So she says to me, “Mama, don’t worry about it. They’re probably just having a bad day.” 

And that moment was captured on film!  

As I neared the end of my talk... I knew I had "nailed it".  I had made it through without a hitch, and I was GIDDY with excitement.  Just as I finished, like a blast of validation, my Style Sisters erupted out of their seats, and started a real life standing ovation!

And then, after I left the stage, the TEDx host asked Raisa to stand up for a round of applause. You guys, the place went bananas!  I came running back out on stage to see what was happening, and there was MY girl, getting her own ROARING STANDING OVATION!  

I was bawling.

It was absolutely sensational to see her standing there in the front row, being honored in such a powerful and uproarious way.

After my talk was over and I began making my way to the lunch area during the session break, I was absolutely shocked when men - by the dozens - approached me, tears in their eyes, and thanked me for sharing my story.  They told me they were tired of living inside the "man box".  They told me that they were done dressing the part of a lawyer, real estate man, engineer.  A number of them even told me - WHAT I'M WEARING RIGHT NOW IS NOT CONGRUENT WITH WHO I AM ON THE INSIDE!  

I heard and hugged many women too...  but it was the men that shocked me the most.  Because I work primarily with women, I thought I was going to be speaking to just half the audience.  But turns out, the message of Inside Out Congruency is a UNIVERSAL MESSAGE of humanity.  I had no idea.

AFTER

That night, I was zinging, having been told by dozens of attendees that my talk was THE TALK of the day.  I just... couldn't believe it.  I know that sounds braggy, and I don't mean for it to sound that way. But damn, it felt good to know that my story - Raisa's story - resonated with so many.  That's why I wanted to get on the TEDx stage in the first place!  

The next night, we went out to dinner, and just as we walked into the restaurant a woman yelled out - IT'S HER, IT'S HER!  I turned around, and the woman said - YOU'RE THE WOMAN FROM TEDx!  I WAS JUST TELLING MY FRIENDS ABOUT YOUR TALK!  I sat down at her booth, and she proceeded to tell me that my talk was her favorite talk of the day.  Then, her husband reached across the table, tears in his eyes, and told me that his whole life he's wanted to wear a kilt, but he never thought he could. He didn't think he could "get away with it".  He then declared - I AM GOING TO BUY MYSELF A KILT!  

There were tears all around.  Look how damn cute we are together!

In the days that followed... my emotions were up and they were down.  I mean... after being so HIGH, there was no place to go but down I suppose.

I felt like I did this BIG THING... now what? 

It unlocked desires inside of me that I didn't know existed.  I suppose it's true that once you step up to that growing edge and JUMP, there is a whole new world of wonder and possibility on the other side.  

I can see why they call them "growing pains". 

I felt disheartened... like my work-from-home, mom-of-two, rural-Vermont-life was too small to embrace such big dreams. 

And then my husband said to me...  "Stasia, it's clear something new inside of you has been unlocked - and I want you to know that you have my permission to flyyyyyy.  I'll hold down the fort."   

I'm paraphrasing here... his words were wayyy more eloquent then that, his voice shaky, his eyes filled with tears.  And I fell in love with him all over again.  And I cried.  A lot. 

So though I don't know what's next for me, I do know that when the next big thing comes my way, I can say YES.

This experience has been a really big important thing for me, and I want to thank you for all of your love, support, kindness, cheers, text messages, emails, EVERYTHING!  It was YOUR collective support that had me believe that I could do it.  

And it's a reminder that we can all do hard things, even if it's something we've never done before. Even if it seems out of reach.  Even if we think we're not there yet. 

OH!!  Rumor has it that all the talks from TEDx Portsmouth will be up on YouTube by next week. I'll email you the link as soon as it goes live.  I do hope you'll watch it, and then share it with your friends on social media.  That's how TEDx videos roll.  My video could be seen by 60 people.  600 people.  6000 people!  Hell, 60,000 people!  Fingers crossed.  

UPATE March 2020: My TEDx talk has been seen over 450K times. I still can’t believe it. Go ahead, give it a watch, tell me what you think, and SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS.

xo
Stasia  
 

Photo Credit goes to TEDx Portsmouth photographers: 
Kate + Keith Photography, Micayla Jean Photography, Michael Sterling Photography, Raya on Assignment

#stylebymychild TURNS ONE!!

Hello! It just occurred to me that Raisa (my daughter) and I have been doing #styledbymychild on Instagram + Facebook for OVER A YEAR!!

That's right, for ONE WHOLE YEAR I have allowed Raisa free rein of my closet EVERY SINGLE MONDAY, to pick out my ENTIRE outfit, without a peep of rejection or resistance from me.

I used to think I had a pretty good handle on my closet... until #stylebymychild came along. In the past year, I've learned MORE about my body, my closet, my limiting beliefs, and my emotional attachment to STUFF than I would have EVER anticipated.

Imagine for a minute, giving YOUR child free rein of your closet, telling them their only task was to MAKE MAMA BEAUTIFUL. (No kids? How about your mother/sister/brother/partner/neighbor/BFF.) You sit back and watch, as your babe thoughtfully works his/her way through your clothes, shoes and accessories and picks out...

Wait. Let's STOP here for a minute, because I want to know what you're thinking.

A) Being #styledbymychild sounds like a GREAT IDEA, Stasia.  I'm totally going to do this!!
B) Are you bananas? Hell no. NO WAY. Never.

I'm guessing that B (for BANANAS) is the resounding winner.

Which is precisely WHY I'm going to share with you the lessons I've learned in the past year that have made it ALL WORTH IT, because it hasn't ALL been pretty!

LESSON ONE. It's ok to LET GO of guilt.

Why in HECK do we have things in our closets that we don't like, want or need? You know... the orange blazer with the baggy boobie darts. The gold dress that is a static-cling-nightmare no matter how many times you try too de-static that thing. The black shoes that pinch your toes with every single step. The orange tights that you really really REALLY don't like but keep putting back in your damn drawer!!!

(Note the orange blazer with the baggie darts, the static-cling gold dress, the black shoes, and the orange tights! This is real life, yo.)

The answer... 50 SHADES OF freakin' GUILT.

"I SHOULD like it. I mean, I like it in my mind so I SHOULD just be happy with it, right?" "But it was expensive." "It was a gift." "I've gained so much weight, nothing else fits. I don't deserve to buy anything new." "My body is too short/tall, skinny/fat, wide/narrow." "It fits so I feel like I SHOULD like it."

I could write a blog post called 50 Shades of Guilt... because seriously, I have heard (and USED) at least 50 guilt ridden reasons why we hold on to stuff we don't like, want or need.

It's almost like there is a part of Raisa that is intuitively drawn to the stuff that I like the least. I moaned my way through those orange tights at least six times before I finally learned the lesson and let those things go, because "I SHOULD like them" has no place in my closet.

And it has no place in your closet either.

Pay attention to the rhetoric inside your head when you get dressed. If it's laced with 50 Shades of Guilt, listen to it, learn from it, and then let that shit go.

LESSON TWO.  It's OK to go a little wild.

I've worn some pretty wild closet concoctions in the past year! Things I would have NEVER worn in public otherwise...

And it's been AWESOME!

Being #styledbymychild has taught me that it's OK to push my own boundaries. To step outside of safety. To live on the edge!

It has helped me EXPAND and become MORE of myself.

When you step outside of your zone of safety, you will undoubtedly find a place that EXHILARATES and THRILLS. A place you might never have found without that little nudge.

LESSON THREE.  It's OK to be FANCY.

For some reason, we think we have to SAVE FANCY.

We think that feeling CONFIDENT, BOLD, CREATIVE, STRONG, and downright GLAMOROUS is something we have to save for special, and that our baseline should be frumpy, uninspiring and plain old boring.

No. WAY!

Being #styledbymychild has given me an excuse to wear my fancy on a Monday, and guess what? Nothing bad happened! In fact, GOOD happened. Because I felt good. And when I feel good I do good.

So now, you might find me being fancy... even on a Wednesday.

Here is what I KNOW to be true:

1. My body is BEAUTIFUL, just the way it is, so if something doesn't fit, I now it's the CLOTHES that are the problem. NOT MY BODY.
2. My clothes MUST be a reflection of who I am on the INSIDE. Just because they fit, does NOT mean they are right for me.

Those TWO THINGS right there, are the foundations of style. You MUST understand how to dress YOUR body and you MUST be able to answer the question WHO AM I AT MY CORE, without reservation.

Style is fluid, NOT static. As you grow, and become more of who you are, your style will inevitably shift. That's why what worked 6 months ago, might not work now. That's why you might think you like something, but realize that it no longer suits you.

Being #styledbymychild keeps me on my toes, but YOU don't need to be styled by YOUR child to learn and implement these basic, but very profound, lessons.

That's what Stasia's Style School is for.  ;)

Where are YOU at with style? Do you think your BODY is the problem? Do you know what it means to dress your INSIDE on the OUTSIDE?

If you take a minute to answer those Q’s right there, there’s a good chance you’re gonna learn something about yourself that is MEGA IMPORTANT. So slow down, ask the Q, and wait for an answer to arise.

Love, Stasia

When Tweaks are not Enough, it's time for Transformation.

I'm going to say it again...

"When tweaks are not enough, it's time for TRANSFORMATION."
Saul Kaplan, Business Innovation Factory

Communities. Government. Business. Education.

Yea, of course. But what about STYLE?

I know a lot of you are stuck in tweak-phase. Making little adjustments here and there. Trying to shop, but getting frustrated because you're not sure WHAT in heck to buy.

Another pair of earrings? A new shade of red lipstick? A denim jacket?

You've done tons of tweaking, but you STILL feel like your clothes don't represent your YOU-NESS.

You're still not happy with your body. You're focusing on your growing belly, your mama-stretch-marks and the cellulite on your thighs.

BRAVE... that is something you know is INSIDE you, but right now, you're feeling kind of like a whimpy-pants.

There comes a point when you've got to STOP TWEAKING & START TRANSFORMING.

As far as I see it, you need at least THREE THINGS in your pocket:

Inside-Out Congruency, Body Confidence, Bravery

Unless you have all three of those things, tweaks aren't gonna do you diddly.

Tweaks happen on the outside. Transformation happens on the INSIDE!

Let me show you what I mean...

Ack!

Right before my husband and I left left for the Peace Corps, we did a photo shoot with a local photographer, and THIS IS WHAT I WORE.

ON A PHOTO SHOOT!!!

I didn't have a CLUE about Inside-Out Congruency at the time, and this outfit is testament to that. It in NO WAY reflected my SOUL-FIRE!

That thing that I was doing there... trying to hide my hips and thighs because I was ashamed of my body - NOT WORKING!!

And you see those curved-in, lacking-confidence shoulders? Though I was doing something BRAVE (joining the Peace Corps) I wasn't feeling the POWER of my decision. I approached big change with a little bit of grit... and HUGE amount of trepidation.

STYLE is something I LEARNED.

I spent years tweaking, trying on different kinds of oversized drawstring pants and hippy pendants. And like a true science-gal (my background is in Ecology) I realized a new methodology was needed.

So I invented one, and things changed.

Seeing my own BEFORE + AFTER pictures still blows my mind. The "before" feelings, when I remember them, hit me hard right in the gut. I remember...

• the frustration and disappointment when I looked at my body in the mirror

• the sadness and defeat that would overwhelm me when I HAD to go shopping

• the blow-down fights I'd have with my closet each morning

• the feeling that I was a freakin' style disaster, no matter how many tweaks I made

• and constantly feeling misunderstood

Here's a side-by-side, to bring it all home.

Believe it or not... I was around 15 pounds lighter in the BEFORE picture.

HIDING DOES NOT WORK!!

THIS is why I started Stasia's Style School.

And this is PRECISELY WHY Style School is not about TWEAKS... it's about TRANSFORMATION.

And it works.

During the last round of SSS, TRANSFORMATION was the name of the game.

One of our #stylesisters, Michelle, transformed into a mighty force right before our very eyes, and it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E.

Though the pictures of Michelle speak for themselves, I think you need to hear from her directly:

"If I’m really being honest, when I look at these photos, I just see the before side. And I cringe. Seriously. The hair. It’s all I see. Realistically I know you’re looking at both photos... and I’m pretty much hoping you’re looking at the after side far more. So, I’m sitting here trying to get over myself and not dwell on the fact that I’m letting the whole world see something completely unflattering. Nothing like testing my capacity to be real!

What you see when you look at the photos is clothing changes and a new haircut. But the transformation is much bigger than that. You might see it in my eyes and smile. It was soul deep. It’s lessons learned about who I am. About what I was and what I no longer choose to be. It’s about bravery and laughter in the deepest parts. And it’s about community, confidence and caring – both about others and myself.

Wait, you didn’t think Style School could do all that? Well, neither did I. It was the best investment I've made in myself in a long, long time. I’m not sure I could say Style School changed my life. But it did transform me. And I’m the author of that life."

So let me ask you... are YOU ready for TRANSFORMATION?

xo Stasia

How to Choose a Power Outfit

I'm having a vulnerable moment. Right now. Right this minute. So I figured... I better start writing, because there's some real honesty flowing right now. On Wednesday morning, bright and early, I'm hopping in the car and driving south to Providence, RI to attend the Business Innovation Factory (BIF) Summit. I'm shitting pickles just thinking about it.

This is a 2 day, $2000 conference, filled with some of the smartest people IN THE WORLD. I'm talking MIT smart. I just checked the attendee list, and I had to stop reading after page 3 because I started to feel like a chump.

Here's why:

Deborah Schimberg, CEO, Glee Gum / Gil Pepi, Chief Strategy Officer, Children's Hospital Colorado / Jamie Casap, Chief Education Evangelist, Google, Inc. / Stasia Savasuk, Personal Stylist/Founder of Stasia's Style School / Georgina Melone, VP of Imbedded Innovation, Hasbro / Brian Goodman, Innovation Manager, City of Boston

Seriously. I could die.

They were giving away a few tickets if you submitted a pitch as to WHY you should be there, and I was selected.

Maybe because the gal that recommended I submit a pitch is friends with the founder... or maybe it was because my pitch was really good.

I don't want to think about which.

If I'm not careful, I could be that girl in the corner, pretending to be doing something really important on her phone, when in reality... I'm just suffering from a serious case of WTF-am-I-doing-here.

The only other conference I've been to as a Personal Stylist is ALT Summit. It's filled with creative types (bloggers, business coaches, other stylists, etc.) who love tulle, red lipstick, unicorns and confetti. Sure, I was nervous the first time I went in June 2014, feeling a little inferior because I had about 12 followers, a 1-day old DIY website, and a closet full of thrifted clothes. But I got over it REAL FAST, made some amazing connections, and had a total blast. In fact, I've been back twice since then.

This is NOT to say that the gals at ALT were not also MIT smart. They were brilliant, innovative, powerhouses of hustle, running BIG companies and making LOTS of money. Maybe it was the red lipstick that connected us. Or maybe it was just humanity.

Hmmm.

But what about this time? Will I find my people at BIF? Will I fit in? What if they laugh at me... Personal Stylist. Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

See that... THAT'S BAD THINKING!!! I'm setting myself up to sit in the corner. I'm setting an expectation that they WON'T like me, that I'm not smart enough, not innovative enough, and that kind of do-you-think-I'm-cool energy is pitiful and not attractive.

So I'm going to head to my closet right now, and choose something that connects me to my BRAVERY, POWER AND CONFIDENCE.

[PAUSE]

OK. I’m back. I’ve found THE OUTFIT that I’m going to wear to BIF. And I’m going to show you how I spiffed up an ok dress, and accessorized for different temperatures!

1 - no accessories and BORING
2 - great if it's really warm
3 - perfect if it's a little bit chilly
4 - love it if I'm freezing cold

Just like that, I’m feeling CONFIDENT about the conference. This may not be my typical venue, but think how fortunate I am, to be surrounded by such brilliant minds!

Hopefully, I'll come back with some amazing tools and maybe, just maybe, I'll become one of those fancy pants "founders" on that list someday.

It’s normal to get intimidated from time to time. My Q for you is, DO YOU HAVE A POWER OUTFIT THAT YOU PULL OUT WHEN YOU'RE FEELING WEEK AT THE KNEES?

If you don’t, you just might wanna consider joining the next session of Stasia's Style School! You’ll walk about with a whole pile them, using clothes you already have in your closet!

xo Stasia

Does Cellulite Make My Smile Less JOY-FILLED?

Does CELLULITE make my smile any less JOY-FILLED? Sounds like a ridiculous question, doesn't it? I mean, what in heck does cellulite have to do with my smile?? What does cellulite have to do with my capacity to love? What does cellulite have to do with my damn laughter!!

Here's the answer: EVERYTHING... and nothing at all.

Yesterday I posted this picture to Instagram and Facebook with the following caption:

“My daughter took this picture of me tonight. She said i looked beautiful. When I looked at the picture, I saw cellulite. Bah. I bit my tongue and said, “thank you baby” and realized how beautiful the world is through her eyes. My first reaction was to deny her the gift of giving a compliment and say… but look at my thighs!! It takes practice to say thank you without a rebuttal… to accept kindness. Let’s all practice together, shall we. THANK YOU Raisa for seeing my laughter and love and joy-filled heart.”

It was the most liked photograph I've EVER posted to Instagram... and I've posted 358 pictures to Instagram. As of this minute, that photo has reached over 27,500 views on Facebook. If you know anything about organic reach on a FB business page, that number is INSANE, given my relatively small "following".

What that tells me is that I AM NOT ALONE.

It tells me that though the world sees us from the Inside-Out, we see ourselves from the Outside-In.

Others see our beauty and grace and kindness and laughter... despite our perceived "imperfections". They see us play with our kids, love our partners, and be ambassadors of bliss and beauty. They apply that perception to the whole of us. They see beauty.

We see our flaws. Our imperfections. Our saggy boobies, fluffy tummies, cellulite-y thighs and jiggly arms. We take that image and give it value. And then we take that value and we apply it to the whole of us. We see flaws.

I'm sorry gals... but WHAT THE HELL?

It needs to stop, and it needs to STOP NOW!

Easier said than done, right?  I get it.

Anything that's wicked wicked hard takes a shit-ton of practice, and that practice MUST start right this very minute. I'm not messing around, either. RIGHT THIS MINUTE!

The next time you receive a compliment, I want you to smile graciously (even if it's a little bit fake) and say "thank you". NO REBUTTAL. NOTHING. NOT A DAMN WORD.  (Unless of course, it's to gush over whatever it is they are complimenting you on.)

But NO disclaimers. No denying their truth. No excuses. No caveats.

Just sit with it. KNOW that they are seeing you from the Inside-Out.

When somebody compliments your dress, know that it's really NOT ABOUT THE DRESS!! It's about how you carry yourself in that dress. It's your grace and laughter and kindness and love - all wrapped up into one little ball - and the dress is simply the vehicle for that compliment.

Part of me wants to say... "If not for you, do it for your kids.” Because we’ll do ANYTHING for our kids.

But I'm not gonna say that. I'm gonna say this instead:

DO IT FOR YOU!!

OF COURSE we want our kids to see themselves as beautiful. OF COURSE we won’t want our kids to become paralyzed by negative body image/perception. OF COURSE we want our kids to grow up to be healthy, confident and loving beings.  BUT DON'T YOU WANT THAT FOR YOURSELF TOO??

Kids are perceptive, and they'll know if you're "doing it for them". They might not see it when they're younger, but as they get older, they'll call your bluff.

I'm not an expert, but I'm practicing. And I'm getting better.

A year ago, I would have NEVER posted that picture. A year ago, I would have resisted the urge to say "but look at my thighs" FOR MY KIDS, but this time, I DID IT FOR ME.

I’ve got a challenge for you. The next time somebody compliments you...

• DO NOT deny the compliment

• Smile and say "thank you"

• Relish in the fact that they truly SEE YOU, from the Inside-Out

xo Stasia

PS. This is the kind of content we cover in Stasia's Style School, because let's face it, SOOO MUCH of knowing and owning YOUR STYLE has NOTHING to do with the clothes!

What's more important? Comfort or Style?

When you get dressed in the morning, do you opt for COMFORT over STYLE? Do you feel like it's a one-or-the-other, take-it-or-leave-it ultimatum? If you do, you're not alone. Because this is the ONE THING I hear over and over again from women young and old!  "But I like to be comfortable, Stasia!" has become the anthem of a Brothers Grimm-like story, where style becomes the petty, shallow, yellow-eyed wild thing, and comfort the noble warrior with sense and sensibility.

But if you ask me, the idea of having to sacrifice style for comfort is hogwash. Total hogwash.

And I think you'd agree, too, if we used a healthier more holistic interpretation of the word "style".

In my mind, style does NOT mean fancy or trendy or fashionable.

When I think about MY style or YOUR style, I think about it as a reflection of ME or YOU.

So when I get dressed in ANYTHING, from my pjs to my little black dress, from comfortable to chic, I can choose clothing that is a reflection of me - aka: MY STYLE.

Something that is MY STYLE makes me feel good. Not plain-faced "good" - but wild-eyed "good". The kind of "good" that makes you run faster and jump higher.

I can feel that kind of good in fancy dresses, or jeans and a tank top. As long as they are a reflection of ME on the inside, then I feel "stylish".

This is where YOUR work comes in. You've got to KNOW what makes you feel good, and you MUST stop using "comfort" as your "good" gauge.

Let me give you an example:

Me: How do you feel in those jeans? Gal: Good. They are super comfortable. Me: Yes, but how do you FEEL? Gal: I feel comfortable. Me: No, that's not what I mean. How do you FEEEEEEEEEEL... On the inside? Gal: I don't know, fine I guess. They are so broken in and soft. Me: Do you feel Beautiful? Powerful? Strong? Confident? Fun? Dynamic? Creative? Abundant? Courgageous???? Gal: Oh God no. I just feel comfortable... I know they are not flattering and they are all stretched out, but they are so soft!! They give me muffin top a little bit so I feel kind of fat in them, and they make my butt look HUGE, but other than that... (pause) Wait a second - these look terrible. I feel terrible in them. I guess because I've had them for so long, I thought they were comfortable.  I mean they ARE comfortable, but I DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE IN THEM AT ALL. I feel self conscious and fat and like I have a big butt. THAT'S not good. Me: TAKE THEM OFF AND NEVER PUT THEM BACK ON YOUR BODY AGAIN!!

Sometimes it takes work to break the habit of being "comfortable" as a gauge for feeling good. I see it all the time! (I can't tell you how many time a woman's FAVORITE pair of jeans have ended up in the get-rid-of-it pile during a closet consultation because they were using "comfortable" as the only/exclusive parameter for "favorite"!!)

But it doesn't need to be that way.

Take yesterday... I wanted to be comfortable, because I knew I had a busy day ahead of me. So I wore jeans, a tank top, a knit cardigan and a pair of sneakers.

But not just any jeans, tank, cardi and sneaker combo. I wore the "Stasia's Style" variety...

I chose jeans that fit me perfectly. My tank had a sparkly band of sequins around the neckline, the cardi was unique in texture and style, and the sneakers were hip and fun. I added on a bold necklace, a nice pair of earrings and some red lipstick, and voila - TOTALLY COMFORTABLE and completely stylish... because I FELT GOOD. And by good I mean creative, fun, courageous, bold and youthful.

I felt good hanging my laundry on the clothes line. I felt good hauling brush, pruning trees, and starting a bonfire in the yard with my kids after school. I felt good talking to the women's chorus about the importance of discovering your own personal style, and presenting your YOU-NESS on the outside, even as Vermonters!

Once you know YOUR STYLE, you should never have to swap out style for anything. You can be stylish in your garden, at a party, on a mountain top, at a campground, playing on the floor with your kids, at work... ANYWHERE!

If somebody were to ask you... What's YOUR style? Your answer should be... A reflection of ME.

Once you understand this concept, you'll never use comfort as an "excuse" to be frumpy or schleppy again. There's no need for it.

You can choose to be warm and stylish. You can choose to be comfortable and stylish. You can choose to be active and stylish. You can choose to play with your kids and BE STYLISH. Because STYLE is something that makes you feel good, and is a reflection of YOU.

If you are ready to abandon the concept that comfort and style are two mutually exclusive entities, then now's the time to think about joining Stasia's Style School, because we'll DIVE DEEP into discovering YOUR personal style, so you never have to chose comfort over style EVER AGAIN!!

xo Stasia

Top 5 Reasons I LOVE being #styledbymychild

Two weeks ago I did the unthinkable! I let my 8 year old daughter choose my ENTIRE outfit without a peep of input from me. No moaning. No groaning. No suggesting this over that. And the results were fantastic! Exhibit 1:

In fact, we had so much fun together (and I LOVED the outfit) we decided to do it the following week!

Exhibit 2:

And this time, we decided to make it a THING! By that I mean, we've turned it into a weekly series on Facebook and Instagram, where every Monday I'll post a pic of the outfit Raisa selected for me, and we'll use the hashtag #styledbymychild.

TOP 5 REASONS I love being #styledbymychild

1.  Quality Time with My Kid - in the hurry and flurry of life, it's incredibly important for me to set aside non-negotiable mama/child time with Raisa. We both look forward to this time together each week, and it's become something we talk about and look forward to all week long. Memories in the making, people!

2. Kid Confidence - Raisa feels so much pride when I say, "Hey babe, I want YOU to choose my outfit tomorrow, because I trust you'll choose something FABULOUS for me!"  She takes her task VERY seriously!

3. Conversation Starter - I always receive a few sideways glances and friendly smiles when I’m out walking around town with my kid-designed outfit. It’s such a GREAT opportunity to engage in fun, joy-filled conversations with absolute strangers! 

4. Feeling Wildly Courageous - wearing a kid-designed outfit takes guts. It takes WILD, FREE, WHOLE-HEARTED COURAGE. Being courageous takes practice, and this is a great opportunity for me to practice being wildly courageous!

5. Closet Curation - nothing has made me curate my closet faster than having my kid pick out my outfit! When Raisa pulls out those jeans I hate because they’re too damn small, or those orange tights I bought but can’t stand the sight of them… well, it reminds you to GET RID OF THE THINGS YOU DON’T LIKE, ONCE AND FOR ALL.

So there you have it! We’ve only done it a few times so far, but I can already this is gonna become a thing. We LOVE it so much! And I have a feeling that this one little exercise is going to change my life, because you can’t flex your BRAVE MUSCLE this much, and not have it change you!

xo Stasia

WORDS over RESOLUTIONS

I’ve tried New Year’s resolutions in the past, and I’m pretty sure I’ve never ever completed or succeeded at a single one. Not that I have a fear of commitment… I just can’t maintain the va-va-va-voom required to stick with something that quite frankly is something I’m a wee bit resistant to in the first place, otherwise I’d just do it, and not call it a resolution!  Usually resolutions are “I shoulds”, not “I want from the deepest depths of my soul” and I’m not much good at doing something I really don’t want to do.

So last year I did something different. I said to hell with resolutions, and decided to commit an ENTIRE YEAR to ONE SINGLE WORD. I spent some time prior to the start of 2014, distilling down my number one internal negative-self-talk garbage, and then I set out to view my life’s experiences through that one-word word.

Last year, my word was “VALUE”. I’ve long had this warped correlation in my mind between personal worth and financial worth.  To put it simply... the amount of money you have determines your value as a human. Though I know in my mind that this correlation is totally nuts and doesn’t make any sense, it’s something I’ve struggled with.

It holds me back and makes me play small.

Try starting a biz and charging money for your services when you don’t believe you’re worth it… or even worse, you don’t believe you deserve it.

It. Sucks.

I know I’m good at what I do. I receive the best testimonials, like this one…

I always felt like Stasia had my back and wanted what was best for me. Plus, she’s seriously funny. AND she knows her stuff! I had NO idea getting dressed had so many puzzle pieces… I thought there was something wrong with me!!  But Stasia showed me it just takes a little know how and suddenly you look and feel pulled together and confident. I also didn’t realize how much of myself was being lost by not matching my outside to my inside. That inside-out congruency is NO JOKE! I look WAY more pulled together and I’m using stuff from my own closet! I haven’t spent much money, yet I FEEL like a million bucks!?  Tami H.

And the pictures!! My clients send me THE BEST most brilliant smiling-from-ear-to-ear pictures of themselves, wearing outfits that suit their soul so perfectly it makes my heart sing and my cheeks red hot with pride and joy.

It’s funny how the universe works.

When I set my word, I thought I was setting myself up to be the recipient of all sorts of VALUE. I was thinking that cash would swarm me like a sky full of cicadas.

Ironically, 2014 was the craziest most bas-akward year for me financially. EVERYTHING went wrong. Roof. Cars. Lawnmower. Dishwasher. Snowblower. You name it. It broke.

Or… maybe it wasn’t ironic at all.  Maybe I just needed a money lesson so big that it would really and truly shake the wonky foundation of my money/value belief system.  Apparently I’m not a quick study, so it took something HUGE for me to WAKE UP and smell the damn coffee. And that’s exactly what happened.

I spent the ENTIRE year looking at all of my “bad money luck” experiences through my VALUE lens. Not as easy as it sounds… because first I would scream, then cry, then laugh out of exasperation, then perseverate on my bad luck… THEN I would settle down and look at what was happening through the VALUE lens.

And here is was I learned:

• when you pay for a service, you are not only paying for someone’s skill, but you are paying for their honesty and integrity, and the goodness in their heart.

• once you get on a we-have-bad-luck-negative-nelly-train-to-hell, your prophecy will be fulfilled, over and over again.

• I held myself back tremendously.

• despite my “bad luck” and plummeting bank account, kindness and generosity poured into my life… so much so, that my eyes would wiggle inside my head because I couldn’t believe all of the human goodness I was experiencing.

Broke. But valued.  WHOA.

I finally got it. But only because I was paying attention.

So this year, I’ve got a new word. BRAVE.

In the past several weeks, I’ve come to realize that I have two brands of brave.

I-KNOW-I-CAN-BUT-PRETEND-I-CAN’T BRAVE Sometimes I KNOW I can do something, but for some reason, I shroud it with negative, “I can’t do that / no-way jose” self-talk, even though I know deep inside that it’ll be okay. It’s like I’m afraid of my own bravert, so I hide it behind negativity and pessimism. Good God.  Why in hell do I do that?  I need to stop it.

I’M-TOO-DAMN-SCARED-AND-I-WON’T BRAVE But then there are times when I am afraid of doing something because I’m afraid I might fail and/or somebody might laugh at me and/or people will judge me. So I don’t do it at all, and I come up with every excuse in the book to NOT do it.

I want to look at my life’s experiences in 2015 through the lens of BRAVE, and see what comes up. I want to recognize my patterns and bad habits and practice new ways of thinking about things. When I feel like a chicken, I want to let out a big slobbering can’t-breathe gasp, then do it anyway. And if I can’t do it in the moment, I want to understand why.

It’s a year long cumulative task in being a good brave courageous human.  And I’m ready!

We all have shiz we can work on… and I’m choosing to work on something that I know is holding me back. Except, it’s almost like it’s not work, because my brain is thinking all the time anyway. I’m just giving it a filter to think through.

I want to encourage you to choose ONE WORD that will act as your life experience filter.  A lens you can look through as you journey through 2015.  What’s holding you back?  What are you afraid of?  How are you sabotaging yourself?  What are you lacking?  CHOOSE THAT.

With Love… and BRAVERY, Stasia

Why Fashion Has NO PLACE At Alt

Last week I went to Alt Summit, a fancy-pants conference in Salt Lake City, Utah, created to educate, inspire and connect both novice and professional bloggers alike.  I'm a Vermont girl that doesn't get out of town much, but when I do, I'm more of campground, youth hostel, budget motel, developing country, chicken-bus-rider kind of traveler.  So to even walk into the Grand American hotel was... WHOA.  Awesome.

I'm still in processing mode post Alt, and suspect I will be for weeks and months to come.  Big events like this, with gaggles of women, always brings up lots of "stuff" for me.  I like to think about all of my awkward "I carried a watermelon" moments, winks and guffaws, and reflect back as to why I did what I did, said what I said, and felt what I felt.  I find that big events like this, coupled with some serious introspection, are akin to several years of intensive therapy.

Whole lotta' women, getting ready to hear Martha Stewart's keynote!

One of the MANY things I've reflected on post Alt is FASHION.  The pre-Alt-fashion-hype was intense, and although I was a wee bit intimidated, I packed up my best (99% thrifted) threads and dressed my essence and my intentions every single day (except on Wednesday night when it was soo cold out I had to wear my airplane clothes out to dinner instead of my hot-pink strappy dress, but I digress).  As I met with folks,  I heard a lot of, "OMG I almost didn't come to Alt because I didn't know what to wear!" and "I love your dress.  I didn't know what to pack.  Don't mind my shoes."   And hearing those self defeating, apologetic words hurt my heart.  Every.  Single.  Time.  And in those moments I thought to myself - FASHION HAS NO PLACE AT ALT.

Don't worry.  These are not fighting words.  I love smooth legs, pedicures, hot red lipstick and fancy dresses just as much as the next girl.  What I mean is this.  Fashion is something that happens OUTSIDE of us.  It's a bench mark that we use for comparison.   Me versus them.  It's what the mannequins and models are wearing in billboards, magazines and television ads.  It's what's hot.  If you pay attention to what's out there, you can do nothing more than mimic what you see.

But Style.  Style is something that happens INSIDE of us.  It is how we USE fashion to reflect our souls.  It brings the focus back to us.  It's about WHO WE ARE and how we want to be perceived.  It's how we smile, laugh, engage, love, reflect, and experience our world.  It's our soul and our intentions and our values all wrapped up into one happy package.  You can't mimic style, no matter how hard you pay attention to what's happening "out there".  Mimicking doesn't work because she is she and you are you and you are not she and she is not you.  Only you are you.  And you have to determine which colors, cuts, textures, stones, fabrics, labels (etc.) reflect who you are and who you wish to become.  It's what I call INSIDE-OUT CONGRUENCY, and it's absolutely totally achievable, no matter who you are.

When you are one among a sea of women, trying to make split second, kick-ass first impressions and connections, you must be on top of your game.  I don't know about you, but if I'm wearing something that makes me feel homely or frumpy, saggy or baggy, then there's a real good chance I won't be showing you my best most truest and brilliant self.  I'll be self conscious.  Apologetic.  And perhaps even withdrawn.   But put me in something that reflects my soul, and it's a game-changer.

Next summer, when Alt rolls around again, I don't want there to be a single woman worrying about what they are going to wear, in comparison to everyone else.  I've got some ideas that need to be flushed out... I'm think pre-Alt smash-the-fashion webinar or e-course!  Ohhh, I've got ideas.

To your VIBRANCY!!

xo Stasia

PS.  Photo credit goes to Alt Photographers Justin Hackworth + Brooke Dennis.

Packing for Alt Summit. The Good. The Bad. The Ugly.

UPDATE MARCH 2020 - this post was originally written close to 6 years ago (June 2014), and goodness me do I have a tender spot in my heart for 6-years-ago-Stasia! It was my first time putting myself out there in what felt like a very big way, and I remember the vulnerability and guts it took to hit publish. A lot has changes since this first-ever blog post… my body, my smile, my style, my thoughts about style. It just goes to show that SHOWING UP is a journey, and that as times change, WE CHANGE. Enjoy!

Hello!  And WELCOME to my very first blog post!  Ever.  In my whole life!  I'm leaving for Alt Summit in about 8 hours, and since I'm going to the BIGGEST BLOGGING CONFERENCE IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD, I figured it was high time I had a blog.  

And it seems only appropriate, as a Style Blogger, to talk about WHAT I'M WEARING TO ALT.  But in truth, what I'm wearing isn't nearly as important as WHY I'm wearing what I'm wearing.  And how I went about choosing, prepping and packing.

Usually when I travel, I throw a bunch of stuff into a suitcase - a few nice shirts, my favorite skirts, a couple pairs of shoes - and hope to hell they all go together.  I NEVER create actual outfits before I travel.  And I usually end up in tears because I HAVE NOTHING TO WEAR.  I've been burned too many times, so this time I took a different approach.  I created an OUTFIT ITINERARY!  That's right.  A map.  An outline.  A stress-free plan.

1. I created a list, breaking down the various venues, and counting how many outfits I was going to need: Tuesday day (flight) / Tuesday night (sponsor dinner) / Wednesday day (conference) / Wednesday night (food truck dinner party) / Thursday day (conference) / Thursday night (garden party) / Friday (saying goodbye + exploring the city) / Saturday (flight).  That's 8 outfits.

2. Then, I decided how I wanted to FEEL at each venue.  For example, I’m gonna want to feel differently on my flight than I’ll want to feel at the sponsor dinner, where my nerves will be a little bit shaky and my insecurities will undoubtedly kick in.  Comfortable, chic & funky works for an airplane, but for my first night at Alt - I want to feel confident, bold, bright and just plain happy!

3.  Once I decided how I wanted to feel, I hit my closet and started creating outfits, using those words to inform my outfit creations.  I tried on everything, because I wanted to prevent any wardrobe malfunctions later. Like things not fitting the way I remember, or forgetting to pack the strapless bra for that spaghetti strap dress.

I found some gems of course, but I’ll tell you what. I wasn’t far into my try-on sesh when I started to freak out because… some of the things I was planning to wear DIDN’T ACTUALLY FIT! Thank GOODNESS I decided to TRY EVERYTHING ON before putting it all into my suitcase! I've lost some weight recently and some of my best things were way too big.  Saggy jeans. Empty darts. Gaping under the pits. And to top it all off, I thrifted a brand new (with tags on!) fancy-pants pink taffeta dress last week, brought it to the tailor for a little nip and tuck, and I FORGOT TO PICK IT UP tonight!!  

So here I am... leaving in about 8 hours, and I'm not done packing.  

WHY?  Because Alt is a big deal.  Fashion is HUGE at Alt, and those little voices inside my head have crept in and told me that my second-hand-vermont-gal wardrobe is not going to be good enough.  What I need to do is listen to my BIG GIRL voice - my SOUL'S voice, that KNOWS I'm perfectly suited to be there, in my second-hand-vermont-gal-wardrobe.

I've momentarily lost my footing.  I've forgotten about Inside-Out Congruency, and have gone into the comparison game... me versus everybody else.  And no good can come from that.

I swore I wasn't going to stress.  I was going to dress my essence - rock the ole' Inside-Out Congruency and stand tall with my suitcase of second-hand-clothes.  And I still will.  This is just a little hurdle that I need to navigate.  But that's what life's all about, isn't it?  Navigating the hurdles.  Pressing through.  Finding your trueness.

Despite the hurdles, I'm still loving my wardrobe itinerary.  So if you'll excuse me, the itinerary has three blank spots, which means I have 3 more outfits to pack!

To INSIDE-OUT CONGRUENCY.
xo Stasia