Happy New Year!! I don't know about you, but the New Year has my brain a'whizzing. Though I've reflected a bit on 2015, I've been mostly consumed with what's ahead for 2016.
It seems that everywhere I turn, the universe is shining a BRIGHT LIGHT on what my work is this year. It's not what I thought it was going to be. But it's likely going to be the most important "work" of my life.
In 2015, my word-of-the-year was COURAGE, and I practiced it all year long. I listened to the song BRAVE about eleventy-million times, and posted visual reminders around the house so I wouldn't forget.
It was the lens through which I viewed opportunity and hardship, success and failure. I discovered that the more I FLEXED MY BRAVE MUSCLE, the stronger it became.
When I WAS brave, I thought about the why behind the why. When I WASN'T brave, I thought about the why behind the why.
Because it was a motto, and not a task, I couldn't fail.
Except, as 2015 came to a close, I realized that BRAVERY was nothing without GRATITUDE.
Just writing that makes me feel gigantic pangs of lost hope and sadness, because sadly, THAT is my struggle.
I'm not sure how it started - if it's nature or nurture - but I've always been a glass-half-empty kind of gal. I've focused on what's lost, not what's gained.
Saying this OUT LOUD is like looking into the mirror and seeing the most ugly version of yourself. As I write this, tears are streaming down my face because I'm not sure I know how to be a glass-half-full kind of gal.
I've heard (and muttered) the words, "you're unlucky" a lot in the last couple of years.
In 2014, my family had some pretty bad luck with contractors and cars. I thought for sure 2015 would be better, but hell if it wasn't worse. And 2016 didn't start out much differently. Last week, our car needed an unfortunate $1K brake-job. And then a couple of days ago, we got a flat tire traveling back from Maine. When the guy at the tire store saw that our brand-new tire had an un-patchable side wall puncture he said, "man, you're unlucky". And then yesterday, the windshield wiper motor died on our car. And we're only 6 days into 2016.
Could it be that we really are THAT "unlucky"?
Or is the universe delivering misfortune to my door as a HUGE wake up call to LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE! To spend more time BEING GRATEFUL. To STOP EXPECTING BAD LUCK.
Because it's true... I've come to expect bad luck.
Am I just willing it into my life? Has misfortune become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Am I actually partially responsible for all of this nonsense?
Until just a couple of days ago, the glass-half-empty part of me thought that I was just wired this way, and that it can't change. But then I remembered...
I used to be ashamed of my body, BUT I'M NOT ASHAMED ANYMORE. I used to think I was shy, AND THEN I FOUND MY VOICE. I used to think I could NEVER be stylish or feel good in my clothes, AND THEN I BECAME A PERSONAL STYLIST. I used to think I was a wimp, UNTIL I FOUND MY BRAVE.
I thought ALL of those things were real and unfixable. You know, just the way I was wired. But I found my way out of every single one of them with some good old fashioned hard work. And I think I can find my way out of bad luck, lack-mentality and loss too.
Listen you guys, we get caught up in all kinds of mind-traps that we think are REAL. We think it's how we're wired. We think we can't change. We think we're hopeless. But if I've learned anything as a grown-up, it's that WE CAN CHANGE!!
We've got to look REAL CLOSE AT OUR STORIES, AND FIGURE OUT WHAT IN HELL THEY ARE TRYING TO TEACH US!!
The moral of MY "unlucky" story is that I need to express more gratitude. I need to see the glass half full. I need to expect abundance, rather than loss. I need to accept love and express love in a more profound way. I need to finally understand that I can, indeed, create my own reality.
That is my work for 2016.
As I sit here, tears still streaming down my cheeks, I feel the walls of my identify crumbling. My eyes are puffy from days of crying. This is the culmination of months of unease as this knowing began to emerge. I'm realizing how little I know, and am flooded with WAY MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.
Part of me wants to pack all of this into a tidy little suitcase and stuff it way back in the closet and focus on something easy, like having Stasia's Style School become an international sensation, with folks tucking $100 bills into my control tops, fighting for one of the limited 40 spots. But that would be too easy, compared to this.
Instead, I'm talking about it. I'm saying it out loud... ON THE INTERNET!! I'm holding my own feet to the fire and taking action.
This negative-nelly attitude has almost cost me my marriage, and that is NOT something I'm willing to lose over some lame-o "I'm just wired this way" old story.
I'm going to do the work.
So let me ask YOU, what's your story trying to teach you? What lesson is the universe delivering to your doorstop so LOUD that it's impossible to ignore? What BIG CHANGES are you ready to make in 2016?
Say it OUT LOUD. Because admitting it, as difficult as it may be, makes it real. Cry. Leave a comment, and I promise to write back! Because me and you, we need to stick together in 2016!!
With LOVE & GRATITUDE, xo Stasia