Q: What did the Bra say to the Hat?A: You go on a-head, I'll give these two a lift.
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! I love this joke. :)
Today I'm gonna talk about boobies. Yep. Boobies.
Seems that everybody has something to say about their boobies. They are either TOO big, TOO small, TOO flopsy, TOO low, TOO pointy, TOO sideways, TOO droopy, etc. I don't think anybody has EVER told me that they LOVE their boobs. There is always a caveat.
But hey, I've done the same thing. I've often said my boobs are TOO low and TOO small. When I think about my vertical proportions, my breasts are low - compared to some idealistic version of balance and beauty that is virtually a non-truth for almost every single girl/woman I know. Just the other day I found a gorgeous vintage leather vest that fit me everywhere except the boobs... the darts were about 2 inches higher than where my boobs live, so I put the vest back on the rack. (Not my "rack"... the store's rack.)
The market also tells me that my boobs are TOO small, because it's nearly impossible to find a grown-up bra in my size. I'd do much better if I settled on a Hannah Montana, Hello Kitty or Sponge Bob Square Pants bra, because THOSE come in my size. Instead, I end up in a bra that's too big, and every time I raise my arms, my bra lifts and I have to adjust. What. A. Pain! And oh the trouble I have with shirts. IF I can find a shirt that has the darts in the right place vertically, they are almost always designed for breasts much larger than mine, and I end up with baggy darts.
(Side Note - Have you ever heard of chicken cutlets?? Not the edible kind, but the silicon, stick-in-your-bra kind. Seriously... I don't use them often, but every once in a while I find a shirt or a dress that is just a teensy bit too big in the boobs, and I'll pop in my chicken cutlets to fill in those darts and voila... perfection! You can find them HERE.)
Listen, I know my breasts are lower than the industry's idyllic can't-touch-this standard. And I know that my circumference (30 inches around) is below average. I get it. But it seems to me that every woman I know is TOO something.
Why can't it just be what it is. Small. Big. Average. Low. High. Wide. Pointy. Flopsy. Saggy. Perky. When we use TOO, we're comparing ourselves (in a negative way) to a standard - an idyllic symbol of perfection - that is by no means average. That means a whole bunch of us feel sad about our boobies, and that's ridiculous!
Because really, are my boobs TOO small? I feel pretty damn lucky that my breasts have nourished both my kids, AND they don't flop around when I run. I actually like having small breasts, so why in hell would I ever say they are TOO small?
Comparison to the ideal symbol of perfection. That's why.
So here's what I'm thinking... let's COLLECTIVELY drop the TOO. That's right, STOP SAYING IT. Listen ladies, it's time we just stick to the facts.
My breasts are smaller than average and situated slightly low on my frame. (FACT) VS My breasts are too small and are way too low on my body. (DISPARAGING)
See the difference?? One FEELS so much better than the other. Try it for yourself... [pause]
When I speak in facts, I'm not suggesting happiness or sadness about size or placement. I'm not placing judgement. I'm not attaching value. I know that I'm likely to encounter dart misplacement/size trouble, and I'm not surprised when it happens. AND it doesn't make me feel sad about my body. Remember that vintage leather vest I found the other day... I put it back and never once thought, poor Stasia with her too-low-boobs. It didn't fit. That's all. No need to boob-bash myself.
Sure, shirts that fit me perfectly can be hard to find, but you know what? Fair-Trade Organic Salted Dark Chocolate can be hard to find too, but that doesn't mean I start taste-bud-bashing.
And honestly, with a little help, your boobs might not be as troublesome as you think!
THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING YOU CAN DO FOR YOUR BOOBS IS TO HAVE A BRA THAT FITS YOU PROPERLY!!
Listen to this... I just read a study online that said 80% of women are wearing the WRONG BRA SIZE!!
Having a bra that fits can solve a whole multitude of problems. If your boobs are low, it can give them a much needed lift. If they are big, it can contain them. If they jiggle, it can keep them high and tight. If they are small, it can give them shape.
If you're a gal with a large chest, than I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you check out THIS POST from the popular blog, Brittany Herself. A friend of mine swears by her bra-fitting methodology, and the comments on her post suggest she knows what the heck she's talking about. I measured myself using this method, and it's right on for me even though I'm teensy. It'll require you to bend-over and measure "the girls" as they are quite literally hanging from your body, but go on - TRY IT!
Am I clear... A GOOD FITTING BRA IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PIECE IN YOUR ENTIRE WARDROBE!!
I know that some of you may have extra-large breasts that weigh you down and cause back and shoulder pain, and that must stink. And saying they are TOO big does make sense. BUT, I would challenge you to stick with the facts - they are extra large and they are uncomfortable for you and your frame. Let's try to steer away from comparing ourselves to some abstract idyllic standard of perfection.
My breasts are small, so I sometimes wear chicken cutlets. Your boobs are extra-big, so you had a breast reduction. No biggie. No comparison. Just making the girls work for us the best way we can.
So go on. Stick with the facts. Drop the "TOO" from your boob (and body) vocabulary. I double-dog-dare you. And if you've got something to say, go on and leave a comment below! I love hearing what you have to say.
PS. Believe it or not, but this practice of "speaking the facts" is something I've been working on for a while. I was so proud of myself last week when I, without hesitation, put the leather vest back on the rack without an ounce of self-shame or boob-bashing. YAY!!